Sept. ’06: Was traded in by that ungrateful family that I moved from California to Colorado. Bastages traded me in for a Murano. After that hellacious climb over the mountains, after blowing out three speakers, and after losing the ashtray, they just cast me aside for some bimbo. How the hell do they LOSE my damn ashtray, anyway? Hope they choke on their leather seats. ::huff::
Oct. ’06: I can’t believe that sales guy took such a pittance for me. I mean, helLOOOO? California babe here? C’mon people! Though trading that Buick in was probably a good call on the new guy’s part. I hope he doesn’t find out about my occasional leaking any time soon though. How embarrassing.
Damn, this guy sure made up for the lack of dollars he was willing to put out for me. I got a full-on sponge-bath and wax job. Now I feel bad about hiding my leaky issue.
Nov. ’06: Uh-oh. This one really does pay attention to me. He took me in to see what my engine light was about. Thank the highways it’s a super-secret Nissan-eyes-only code. They were thrown off-track with a knock-sensor, but it may only be a matter of time now. He just doesn’t like to see something’s wrong, but what’s a girl to do? I can’t TELL him what’s up, of course.
Oh, new speakers. That’s much better now. Not that you’d know it from this ::gag:: death metal rock stuff he listens to.
Just what the hell is this white slippery stuff on the road, anyway? Wait, I’m in MONTANA? I much prefer the sand and sun of SoCal to this stuff. Apparently someone didn’t pay the heating bill either. It’s so cold, my little leak opened up to be a bigger one. He’s not the type to miss this, I’m sure.
Dec. ’06: Holy SHIT! That white freezing stuff has been falling all damn day! My paint is going to crack, and damn if I’m gonna get a pedicure to last in THIS crap! Oh, and THEN he takes me in for fresh oil where some knuckle-dragging gorilla twists my filter too tight. Get your paws OFF of me, thankyew! I must express my displeasure by dimming the lights when the radiator fans come on… not that they will any time soon if this freezing crap keeps up.
Jan. ’07: Ouch! I picked up OWW! A nail on this goat-trail of a … OUCHOUCHOUCH highway. Now you’d think he’s GOTTA get me some new shoes, but what does he do? He has them PATCH it! Where the hell am I? Petticoat Junction?? These are LAST SEASON’S Goodyear line. I can’t go stepping out in patched tires. ::sob::
Feb. ’07: Alright, I’m about done here. No bath since September, nails on the road, hundreds of miles a week… A girl can only do so much ya know. Vengeance plotting begins now.
Mar. ’07: I think he’s reading my diary. He just gave me a bath and it feels SOOOO good to get rid of that crusty junk that was building up on my paint. I’m still going to melt down though. Even better for that, he just filled me up with high-test petrol. Guess he’s trying to suck up.
Rats, he was taking me to the dealership for the engine light, so I had to move up my timetable. I started by flashing the Air Bag light, but he didn’t notice so I had to hit him where it hurts; I shut off the stereo. HA! And it won’t turn back on, either. Double HA! So I finally get the treatment I deserve: A lift on a flat-bed to the dealership (yes, the shoppers there were looking up to me in awe, I’m sure) where I was treated pretty darned good. So what if Mr. Cheapskate owner had to dig in to savings for me. It’s about time!
So a new alternator, new thermostat, and a regular maintenance tranny flush later, I’m feeling almost pampered again (which is all I ever asked for; Is that so bad?). I gave him his stereo back, but only because it’s finally starting to warm up around here.
Disturbed, Liberate
Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?
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